OK... THAT Sucked

My wife has this THING about fireworks on the 4th of July. OK, admittedly a lot of other people do too. By this I mean that she feels the strong need to go out and watch a big municipal fireworks display with about a zillion other people.

I, on the other hand, do not. In fact, I'd just as soon stay at home and watch the Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-Fi channel. I am definitely an Inside-Dog.

So... we traipse off to the local municipal fireworks show. By local, I mean Southlake. It's about a 30 minute drive from home. That doesn't sound too bad, does it? Drive 30 minutes to hang out at a lake, watch a fireworks show, then a quick 30 minute drive back to the house for a nightcap.

Of course it's never quite that easy. Mostly due to those other zillion or so people who have the same idea. Net result is that it takes almost an hour to actually get there because of all the traffic. The place is packed and no one seems to know exactly where the show is going to be fired from. SO we have to guess at where to hunker down for a clear view. (we're usually off 30-45 degrees). So then we get to sit in the heat (July in Texas remember?) while everyone around us tries to outdo each other at who can be the most annoying.

The prize for the most annoying this year was the woman in the mini-van who decided to park her van in the middle of the road and let her kids out on the side of the road to watch the show while she... get this... sat in the van in the middle of the road... thereby completely blocking traffic behind her until a motorcycle cop showed up to tell her to move along. At that point she had to corral the kids back into the van. But first she tried to back over the cop. Oh! How I love the human element in these little excursions!

So anyway... we watch a very nice 30 minute fireworks show that was accompanied by a simulcast music program on the radio. Fortunately someone nearby cranked up their car stereo so that we got to hear the wonderful renditions of "God Bless America" and all those other God and Country favorites. The country part's OK, but the God part I'd like to drop kick into the lake. Unfortunately they seem to be connected at the hip these days.

After the show we manage to get back to the van without being run over (barely). Then... and this is the really great part... we get to sit in the van for nearly a full solid hour waiting to BUDGE A SINGLE INCH!

Of course this gives me plenty of opportunity to watch even more of the antics of those brain-dead morons that seem to flock to my presence as they all try to maneuver their cars back and forth and around as they try to jostle for the absolute best position IN A TRAFFIC JAM THAT DOESN'T HARDLY MOVE A SMEGGING INCH FOR NEARLY A WHOLE FUCKING HOUR!!!

Next year, I think I'll just stick a roman candle up my ass and hang my butt out the window. WHEEEEEE!!!!!!!